Recently in Personal Category

I thinking about taking a break from writing anything on this site for a while.  It has gotten kind of boring lately and more of a chore than an enjoyable pastime.  There probably won't be much other than new photos here on a regular basis at least through the rest of the summer.  Then again maybe it is just the typical Monday humbug and I will feel differently later.

Since my last post I have:

Been invited to a monthly poker game where I met a whole bunch of really nice chaps and stayed up way too late on a Friday night only to miss winning $70.00 by a few bad turns of the cards.  I have to say though, it was the most enjoyable loss of $10.00 I have had in a very long time

Watched a movie I was really looking forward to only to be turned off by its unbelievable preachiness and lack of subtly.  Pixar, you don't have to hit us over the head with you message and then cram it down our throats.  Humanity ruins everything it touches, including itself.  Yeah, we get it.

Had my faith restored in the Supreme Court.  In an unexpected move, SCOTUS actually did it's job and ruled on the letter of the law and upheld the 2nd Amendment instead of legislating from the bench.  I wish this happened more often.

Watch my Wii die only to see it reanimate itself 30 minutes later.

Found out that you can actually buy $100+ pillows.  I wonder, how much better one might sleep on a $100 pillow?

Taken around two hundred pictures and haven't processed a single one.

Done some even more inconsequential stuff than what has been listed above.

How's that for an update?

My mind is jumbled right now.  Lots of little thing floating around but nothing very clear.  No clear direction, no clear goal, nothing but tiny thought flitting across the surface of my consciousness. 

There are things I want, no need to change in my life but I lack the will power to make that happen.

I find I am missing old friends while straining to make new ones.

I desire something new but I am afraid of change.

I want to be a different person but I don't want to lose myself in the process.

I want to run, I want to hide I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside.

Ok, that last one was a U2 Lyric.

See, I told you things are jumbled.

I feel that change is coming but I can't figure out if I am supposed to sit back and let it happen or jump up to meet it.

I want to be the person that rushes to meet change but my nature is the opposite.

I don't know if I am lazy or afraid but I am too proud to admit that the answer is "both".

I am not sure what is worse, not living up to your potential or waking up to the possibility that you never had that much potential to begin with.

I came to realize something while writing this (if you can call it "writing") which is that the great thinker and sage, Theodore Geisel, understood the place I am in today and wrote about it.  He described a place, called "the waiting place" where people do just that, wait.  Observe:

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

It's funny to think about how cliche that book has become but how utterly right the good doctor was on so many things.  Now, if only he had writing about how to get out...

I am trying to figure out what kind of industry I want to work in for the rest of my career.  I think I will always be involved with technology in some way but the days of me being the "do it all" person are coming to an end.  I already work in the CIO role for a small company, but don't actually have that title nor do I know if I want it.  I don't think I am smart enough for such a lofty title.  I am a plug guy masquerading as an IT professional and sometimes it shows.  I just don't know if I that role will ever be a good fit for me.  I am very knowledgeable about what is possible in IT but the knowing how to do it part is still a struggle.  Maybe that is what good IT managers do.  They handle the concept and need identification and then manage the process that gets it done.  I think I am good at that or can be given the right environment.  To be honest, however, trying to do such a thing outside of the nice, comfortable work environment I have built over the last ten years is a bit frightening. 

I wonder though if that is my whole problem.  I am so comfortable with where I am that I am not seeking out new challenges which is leading to both stagnation and burnout.  It also results in not being exposed to new technologies or new ways of doing things.  Even though I have been to school and completed a Master's program, nothing is really different in my life today than it was 4 years ago.  To me that spells trouble.  I just haven't yet decided what to do about it.  I just know the situation can't continue for much longer or I risk having a less than optimal second half of my life.  There is something to be said about being comfortable though but do the advantages of being comfortable outweigh the advantages and possible rewards of taking on new challenges?  It is a question I am trying to figure out.

I have lived in approximately the same town for almost 23 years.  I have worked for the same company at the same location for over 10 years.  Everything about the world around me is starting to feel old and stale.   It is possible a new job in a new industry would fix some of that but I just have to wonder if there isn't more to my feelings of being trapped. 

Maybe it is time to just pick up and move on.  Then again, maybe it is just time to pick up golf. 




  

This weekend was nice.  Quite a bit relaxed which is the exact opposite of last weekend.

Saturday started with a trip to a local library for a used book sale.  Normally I don't go expecting to bring anything back for myself.  We go looking for children's books for my daughter.  This time, however, I found a couple of gems for my personal collection.  I was able to pick up hardback copies of Stephen King's IT, and Salem's Lot.  I have been re-reading IT for an online book club, which you can join in on right on this very site so finding a never read hardback of the novel was especially nice.  The Salem's Lot copy looks like a first edition.  It is in fair to good condition and I am really pleased with the find.  Most of the books at the sale come from donations so my guess is that both of these books came from someone's garage as they were a bit dusty, but I am happy to have them.  I have almost two full 3 foot shelves of King hardbacks now which is starting to look respectable.   Emily picked up a box load of books as well.  Overall we spent $45.00 at the sale and came home with plenty of material to last us through the summer. 

Not content with buying books I had already read, I ventured out to the local Barnes and Noble to grab the new Chuck Palahniuk book, Snuff.  Snuff is about a world-record 600 man gang bang.  I know, horrible subject matter but I like the author so it is a must read.  Cassie Wright is an aging porn star who wants to do something big so that she will be remembered forever.  The story is told from the point of view of some of the men waiting for their chance to be a part of the project.  The each have different reasons for answering the casting call and it is the interactions of the men in the waiting room that make up the bulk of the short, 200 page novel.  The title makes me think things aren't going to end well for Cassie Wright, but we shall see.  I should have the book done by the end of the week.

Sunday saw a trip to Vulcan for his 104th birthday bash.  For 3 bucks (Emily was free) we got to visit the museum, have our faces painted (ok, not me), experience carving lesson's from local Birmingham artist Lonnie Holley, "The SandMan", mine for chocolate, and learn about Vulcan's history through live re-enactments.  There was food and music (we missed that part) as well as visits from tiny Vulcan.  We also took a trip up to the top of the statue and had fun climbing down the stairs back to ground level.  The rain held off just enough for us to have our fill at Vulcan Park and then it was back home for a little R&R with some time off for some Gremlins 2 action.  Oh Phoebe Cates, where for art thou?  

We'll just ignore the bill paying, drape hanging, and the other not so fun bits.  

It was just that good.  Maybe not the BEST weekend ever as there were one or two things missing but it was damn good nevertheless.  I kicked off the festivities with a little Iron Man.

Let me just say that this movie rocked.  I don't know much about the character so I didn't bring any of that baggage with me into the theater.  I came at this film completely clean without any expectations and what resulted was a really enjoyable experience.  The film is funny in just the right places.  Robert Down Jr. and Gwyneth Paltrow are absolutely perfect in their roles.  The only thing I could have really asked for would have been MORE IRON MAN.  I didn't see him kick enough terrorist ass before the film moved on to the next plot point.  Outside of that, Iron Man is a perfect superhero movie.  I am really excited to see Jon Favreau doing well as a director.  He has made some really solid films and looks to have a bright future.  I think I will always see him as the overweight pot head Gutter from PCU, but I have a newfound respect for him as a creative talent.  I hope he gets to make a sequel or two because this first outing was excellent.  I think it is Marvel's best film property to date.  Yes, even better than Spider-Man.   This is a movie you should see.  It is also a great start to what looks like an amazing summer movie season.  How can you not love a summer that includes Batman, Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Hellboy, Narnia, and Indiana Jones? 

After the wonderful experience Friday at the movies, Saturday started with Free Comic Book Day at my LCS (local Comic Shop).  As always I took my daughter so she could meet some of the costumed superheros that always make an appearance at this event.  Her favorite is The Flash, but this year she took a particular liking to Princess Leia.  There is just something about little girls and princesses I guess. 

What follows is a bunch of minimally interesting, poorly written, random shit.  Enjoy.

1.  Movies:  I have seen several movies since my last update.  I don't really have the energy to fully review any of them nor do I feel any of them need a review.  So, here's to what I remember:

No Country for Old Men:  Great film.  It is beautifully shot, beautifully acted, and the writing is fantastic.  What seems to be sort of a crime drama is really a statement on the evolution of culture.  Everything you need to know about the film is right there in the title.  Javier Bardem earned every accolade he received from this movie as his work as Anton Chigurh was amazing.  I highly recommend this film although I would have like just a touch more of Tommy Lee Jones at the end. 

Forgetting Sarah Marshall:  I saw this one with the Birmingham Movie Meetup Group.  It was your run of the mill Judd Apatow style comedy.  Humorous, but nothing I would ever watch again.  I got caught off guard by the male full frontal.  I consider that very unfair especially when you consider we were not treated to any Kristen Bell or Mila Kunis boobage.

28 Weeks Later:   Saw this on pay cable while out of town this weekend.  I was disappointed.  28 Days Later is one of my favorite entries in the new zombie (yes, I know they are not REALLY zombies) genre of movies.  The sequel, however, just doesn't hold up.  It was a "more of the same" kind of thing for me without any characters I cared about or anything remotely making sense.  For example, they strap a possible carrier of the Rage virus down to a table but don't leave her under heavy guard?  Not likely.  Also, once Rage infects the father he keeps popping up EVERYWHERE.  He survives the initial kill zone, the fire bomb, and the gas attack?  Too convenient.  The movie is not bad.  I would just say it is unnecessary.

2.  Events:  I missed out on all of the local events this weekend because I have been out of town.  Hope the art show was good and not too wet.  I try to make this every year, but my attendance has been spotty since 2003.  Not that I spend money there anyway, but it is always nice to see what I might like one day when I go on my crime spree.  

3.  I learned something new yesterday.  Caulk remover will also remove textured paint from decorative aluminum window trim.  I was not trying to remove paint from that piece of trim but I certainly managed it.  To say this upsets me is like saying a kick to the nuts causes some mild discomfort.  I can't say enough how I hate my house.  I bought a piece of shit home and have been fighting a loosing battle to fix it up ever since.  I have a new goal today and that is to sell the house and move out within 18 months.  At this point all I want to do is break even.  I'll figure out how to afford a new home once I get rid of this money pit.  Anyone interested?

4.  I didn't get my "stimulus" deposit today.  I don't know if I was supposed to or not, but I would have liked to have seen that little bump in the bank account today.  I won't be spending it.  Well, I will be spending it but only to clear out an old bill.  Once that is paid I will have cleared three debts as of the first of this year.  It is nice to see the total number of bills I have to pay each month decreasing.  Finally getting rid of some of this old debt makes the possibility of moving within a few years much more likely.  I wonder how much this whole stimulus package with really "stimulate" the economy.  I certainly think OPEC will be stimulated, but I don't know about American business.  I don't recommend you run out and buy a new TV with your rebate.  Save it or pay off some debt.  You'll be better off than if you feed it back into the consumer culture. 

5.  I am constantly reminded how much I don't want to live in or around Atlanta.  Take a drive through downtown every so often and I think you will agree with me.

6.  As further proof I have turned my child into a major smart ass, she got lippy with me yesterday.  We decided to bake some cookies and I let her do the stirring.  She isn't quite strong enough to really mix it all together so after a few minutes I asked her if she wanted me to take over.  Her words were:

"Well, I am not done mixing, so no."

Remember that this is coming from a four year old.  My wife says that it is time to reap what I have been sowing.  I foresee much trouble in the teenage years.

7.  Toys 'R US had an amazing sale on Xbox 360 video games last week.  I got two '07 sports games for less than $15.00.  I have not played them yet, but I will.  I hope.  Right now I have three games that have never or hardly never been played.  That is odd for me.  Then again, a lot of things have been odd since I got married and had a child.  I'll get to them eventually I suppose.

7.  Finally, this getting old shit is for the birds.  I have near constant pain in my hip and left leg ever since I did whatever I did to my back a few weeks ago.  It is ok if I am up and active, but not so much when I am sitting down.  I know I need to loose weight.  I think finally my body is giving up on me.  I'll see you at the track this afternoon.

  

After five attempts at writing a soul searching post that examines who I am and who I want to be I have given up.  I am so unsure of my own identity that I can't even write about how I don't know who I am.  I'd say that seems pretty screwed up.  I'd like to think that I am unique but I feel that it is more likely that I am just undefined.  Although it may seem like this is no big deal I think my lack of understanding has lead directly to my inability to relate well to other people and find a career that I find rewarding.  I don't know how to deal with this issue.  I can't even write about it.  I just know that somehow I took a wrong turn and haven't been able to find my way back.  I thought maybe going back to school would help but even after graduating 4 months ago I am not better off.  This concerns me.  I seem to be waiting for something to define my life and give it direction but nothing has happened.  Some days I think maybe I am just supposed to be a father and produce a child that can surpass me.  There is honor in that but it doesn't help me feel better today. 

I am reminded of a quote from The Shawshank Redemption.

"Get busy living or get busy dying." - Andy Dufresne

Too often than not I think I am doing a pretty good job of the second part.

I have seen a few things over the past few days that have me concerned.  There isn't much I can do about any of it, but these events have my attention. 

First the price of gas continues to rise.  Even here in the south were the costs of living is much lower than much of the US gas is approaching $4.00 a gallon.  I think the $4.00 price is significant.  Up to this point increasing prices don't seem to be curbing demand but prices of $4.00 and up will make people think twice about the trip to Wal-Mart to get a case of Bud.  There will be a price, and I think it is soon, that will force people to stop driving.  I know $4.00 will certainly make me reconsider taking a trip out of town.  What is most concerning to me is that the prices continue to rise with no end in sight.  There are some realities here we need to face.  The first is that gas prices are unrelated to who is in the White House.  The Iraq war is not helping the situation, but prices would be high regardless.  It is time that people wake up and realize that prices are only slightly affected by our nation's government.  Increasing demand in other countries, like China, and inadequate processing facilities in the US are more directly related to the rising prices than Dubya.  The government could help the situation by reducing barriers to refining and production but even that will not stop the growth in demand all over the world.  Over time this is only going to get worse and as long as we are dependent on foreign oil supplies we are at risk.  We should be funneling BILLIONS of dollars in both public and private funds into alternative energy research in order to end our oil dependency.  As it stands, the "most powerful nation in the world" has a serious weakness that could few well lead to its destruction.

The oil crisis also highlights a larger problem which is the carrying capacity of the Earth.  We know oil is a finite resource, but even renewable resources can be exhausted.  What is the maximum output of foodstuffs that the Earth can produce given well researched agricultural methods and how many human can said food support?  Are we reaching that limit today?  I do not know the research on this topic but I am seeing evidence that we may be maxing out our production capabilities.  For example, there are reports of rice shortages in the US.

http://nysun.com/news/food-rationing-confronts-breadbasket-world

http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/04/21/business/21crop.php

Again this points to a growing human population that is out of control.  What will nature's check to this untamed growth be?  Disease?  I find it very interesting how we are constantly hearing about outbreaks of untreatable infectious diseases all over the world.  Our medical science has not succeeded in wiping out disease.  In fact, it seems like we have actually succeeded in speeding up the evolution of certain diseases making them stronger than ever.  Anti-biotic resistant bacteria have been increasing for years.  How long until some bacteria mutates into a modern day black plague that decimates human populations around the globe?   This is a real threat only made worse by increasing populations and global travel.  Throw in food shortages making people weak and such a bug could travel very fast.  If you are not at least interested in such things, you should be.

Finally, I watch a show on The Discovery Channel this weekend that was concerning as well.  Expedition Alaska follows a group of scientists across Alaska as they research how the state's climate and environment are changing due to global warming.  Glaciers are melting at an alarming rate.  Methane gas is being released from the permafrost of previously frozen dead plant material is rotting in the increasing temperature.  Whole species of wildlife that are dependent on cold weather are faced with extinction.  I have no doubt the Earth's climate is changing.  I might argue that the cause is not man, but one can not argue that something is going on.  The Earth's climate changes before man and it will continue to do so long after we are gone.  What is so concerning is the speed at which things seem to be happening.  What little I saw of the show illustrated how what goes on in one part of the world will have an impact everywhere.  We don't know if the warming will continue or what the long term effects will be but there is plenty of evidence to suggest that we will be facing many changes within our lifetimes. 

I am not panicked by any of this, but it has my attention.  We may not have any control over global warming, but everything else we can do something about.  As a sovereign nation we need to be prepared to take care of ourselves and today we can not do that.  We have turned our farmland into malls and neighborhoods and import much of the basic food items we use today.  We depend on someone else to provide us with the energy that drives our economy.  Rising fuel and grain prices will continue to force our economy into recession.  Maybe we have reached the point where the earth just can't support the abundance of human life that has exploded over the last thousand years.  Again I don't know, but I am watching and listening. 

"Never read a book through merely because you have begun it." - John Witherspoon

I have just about given up on four books that I have been trying to read. Well, "trying" isn't exactly the right word. It is more like reading a few pages and them putting them aside due to lack of interest. If I HAD to read any of them I could do it. I just don't care to. These books range from fiction to non-fiction and from accepted "literature" to popular fiction. They are each by well known authors with deep fan bases and established histories. The sad fact, however, is that each title bores me. Some I have been trying to read for months, some years, and some, at least in one case, almost 2 decades.  For whatever reason, however, I can't seem to progress much farther than the introductory chapters in any of them.I do not think about getting back to reading any of the books when I am at work. For me that, is a sign of a good book. If I am thinking about the story even when I am not reading, that is a good book. These titles do not inspire such thoughts and so, I have put them aside.

I made my weekly (sometimes twice a week) trip to the bookstore Sunday to seek something else that might catch my attention. I looked closely at the last two Harry Potter books that I have not read but passed them by. I am not too interested in entering that world again quite yet. I drifted through the Sci-Fi section but it disappointed me again. Nothing jumped out at me there. I was ready to leave, my daughter and her new book in tow when I remembered something I had been meaning to look up. So it was that I soon found myself holding the following:

I make no excuses for me interest in zombies and have mentioned it here on more than one occassion.  Some people like football, some people like MMORPGs, and others like knitting.  I like zombies.  I don't know why the concept of the walking dead fascinates me, but it always has.  I think maybe it is because I watched a few zombie movies as a young kid.  Stuff like that tends to leave a mark (scar?) on a young child.  Whatever the reason, the end result is that I enjoy zombie fiction.  So, a book about humans and the zombie war seems perfect for me so I bought it (along with Duma Key by Stephen King but it was on sale at 40% off and my King addiction made it impossible for me to pass that purchase up).

World War Z is written by Max Brooks (son of Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft) who also wrote the Zombie Survival Guide.  I have not read that one yet.  It seems a little too tongue-in-cheek to me, but I will get around to it someday.   I know there is some background material for World War Z in the guide, but I do not see it as required reading.  The story is more of a history book recounting the progression of the Zombie Apocalypse through oral testimony of people that survived it.  I don't yet know if it is any good or not, but at least I am interested  in reading the story.  I have it with me today and am already excited about reading during my lunch break which is a feeling I haven't experienced these last few weeks while trying to read those other books.

I hope this is good as it has been optioned for a film by Brad Pitt's production company.  As much fun as reading about the undead can be, they belong on the big screen shuffling and chewing their was through the living.

Reading is a very personal thing and above all you should enjoy the activity.  There are plenty of people out there that like to tell you what to read, what is "classic" and what is hack work.  That's fine.  We need those people and we need those works.  However, when it comes for reading for entertainment you have to pick stuff you like.  Slugging through Moby Dick on your lunch break because some says it is important won't make you enjoy reading.  In fact, it may make you hate it.  I wonder if that is why so many people don't read today.  Maybe it is because they were forced to read stuff that didn't excite them during their formative years and as adults they see no value in the activity.   I know reading Jane Austen and Thomas Hardy didn't exactly stoke the fire in me and ultimately made me hate English as an academic pursuit.   Luckily I already had a love for books that could not be quenched by boring, British novels.  I, however, am one of the lucky ones.  Too many people are turned off to reading and our society is worse off for it. 

I am a very sarcastic smart ass much of the time.  It's ok, I have comes to terms with it even if my wife and family have not.  I guess you just can't change who you are.  I am finding, however, that my bad habits are rubbing off on my sweet, innocent little girl.  I don't know if that is a good thing or not but I must say it can be quite humorous at times.

Take for example what happened yesterday.  We stopped by Wal-Mart to get some nightcrawlers (them's worms for you cultured types) in order to do some fishing at the local pond.  My daughter, curious as she is, wanted to look at the worms, touch them, drop them on the ground, etc.  So I let her hold the container as we went through the checkout line.  Since I dislike most other humans as a rule, I try very hard to use the self-checkout lane whenever possible and yesterday was no exception.  We got everything scanned and paid for and my young child insisted on carrying the nightcrawlers sans bag.  Her loud insistence brought the attention of the self-checkout monitor clerk.  The lady asked my daughter a few questions:

Lady:  Are you going fishing?

Emily:  Yes.

Lady:  Are you going to use those worms?

Emily:  Yes.

Lady:  Are you going to touch them?

Emily:  Yes. 

Now, this was a fairly normal conversation for my daughter.  Emily tends to say only what is necessary to people she doesn't know.  However, it is the last bit of the conversation that was noteworthy. 

Lady:  Oh no, I don't think I would ever touch a worm!  They are slimy and dirty!

Emily:  Well, you aren't going with us so that's good!

I burst out laughing.  Not because she kind of "stuck it" to the cashier for being nosy, but because it sounded EXACTLY like something I might say.  For that one instant I saw my legacy in my child.  I sort of half apologized to the clerk through my laughter and shuffled her out the door with my wife smirking at me the whole time.  She looked over at me and said, "She gets that from you you know."

"Yeah, and her delivery was spot on," I said.

That got me another "look" and a quiet walk to the van.

My mom always hoped that I had a kid exactly like me one day.  I think, without a doubt, she got her wish.