Nothing makes me want to stay home more than a long holiday weekend with my family. It was wonderful just to be with my wife and daughter without having to worry about anything more stressful than being sure the ice cream got put back in the freezer before it melted. It is times like these when I start evaluating and re-evaluating where I am in life and invariably I discover that I am not content with the way things stand. My unhappiness seems to be most clear on that first day back to work after a holiday or vacation. I don't suppose I should be surprised.
I think about all the time I spend at work trying to provide a better life for my family and wonder if it is worth it. Working a minimum of 45 hours a week with at least 1.5 hours of drive time only to struggle to keep up our meager existence hardly seems like the best investment of my time. I work hard to pay all my bills on time even the ones that I never should have taken out in the first place and what does it get me? Nothing but a tiny house with more problems than the mayor of Detroit, a child that spends most of her waking hours in the company of strangers, and an overwhelming sense of dread that the other boot is coming down any minute. Nothing good comes from trying to be responsible. It makes me wonder if I should just give all the banks the finger, quit my job, and try to start over somewhere that allows me to work less, be home more, and enjoy life a little bit before it slips through my fingers. I have chased the American dream just about long enough and I am a little tired of seeing it get away every time I start getting close.
Not all is doom and gloom though. I have managed to build a solid foundation upon which to strike out in a new direction. I am taking actions this week to hopefully capitalize on all of the work I have put into myself over the past few years. The plan has been to try and create some action in 2009 and that magic year is quickly approaching. Faster than I could have guessed actually. I am shocked it is September really. Shocked and frightened. Frightened of making a change and what it might bring. Frightened that things won't be better, but worse. Frightened that I am making the wrong decisions. Frightened that I will fail. The reality though is that the time is now, the iron is hot, and the getting is good. I would use some other cliches but I'd have to look them up and I am just not into that kind of commitment to a blog post today. I've been full of talk for too long and if I am ever going to make a go at fixing the problems in my world I have to do it now.
Learning to play poker over the last few months has taught me something. Some times you have to gamble. Waiting around for the absolute best hand will cost you in the long run and occasionally you have to risk what you have on the hand you've got. I am at that point now. I have a strong hand, maybe not the best, but strong and it is time to push. The first step is a phone call and I am making that this morning. Here's hoping my hand holds up.
I think about all the time I spend at work trying to provide a better life for my family and wonder if it is worth it. Working a minimum of 45 hours a week with at least 1.5 hours of drive time only to struggle to keep up our meager existence hardly seems like the best investment of my time. I work hard to pay all my bills on time even the ones that I never should have taken out in the first place and what does it get me? Nothing but a tiny house with more problems than the mayor of Detroit, a child that spends most of her waking hours in the company of strangers, and an overwhelming sense of dread that the other boot is coming down any minute. Nothing good comes from trying to be responsible. It makes me wonder if I should just give all the banks the finger, quit my job, and try to start over somewhere that allows me to work less, be home more, and enjoy life a little bit before it slips through my fingers. I have chased the American dream just about long enough and I am a little tired of seeing it get away every time I start getting close.
Not all is doom and gloom though. I have managed to build a solid foundation upon which to strike out in a new direction. I am taking actions this week to hopefully capitalize on all of the work I have put into myself over the past few years. The plan has been to try and create some action in 2009 and that magic year is quickly approaching. Faster than I could have guessed actually. I am shocked it is September really. Shocked and frightened. Frightened of making a change and what it might bring. Frightened that things won't be better, but worse. Frightened that I am making the wrong decisions. Frightened that I will fail. The reality though is that the time is now, the iron is hot, and the getting is good. I would use some other cliches but I'd have to look them up and I am just not into that kind of commitment to a blog post today. I've been full of talk for too long and if I am ever going to make a go at fixing the problems in my world I have to do it now.
Learning to play poker over the last few months has taught me something. Some times you have to gamble. Waiting around for the absolute best hand will cost you in the long run and occasionally you have to risk what you have on the hand you've got. I am at that point now. I have a strong hand, maybe not the best, but strong and it is time to push. The first step is a phone call and I am making that this morning. Here's hoping my hand holds up.
I had a great weekend too!!!
I am excited to hear you finally feel like you can make a move -- you know I support you 100%